Adapted from http://atpiombinese.myblog.it
Original title: ABOUT INDEPENDENCE
AUTHOR: Robert Catalucci
... Parents should not think of living a second life through their children. A few children become great champions, but they must all be great men ...
There is a strong belief that autonomy appears to be an essential and indispensable for the construction of the sphere of intellectual child. This reflection comes from the absolutely undetectable, as part of our experienced sports newspaper, to provide an alternative reading to the approach of many parents and teachers of tennis, who see in their children the tools required in order to appease their hidden frustrations and realize their ambitions repressed, taking questionable behavior and by bringing an unfortunate burden of responsibility that is so onerous to bear, that most often causes a sense of alienation from our wonderful sport or even dropping out of the same. We must not forget that a child playing, it's never "just a game" a fun, or a way to distract from more serious concerns. For a kid playing a game can be, and in most cases is a very serious undertaking whose outcome depends on his self-esteem and sense of responsibility. In other words, the game is its reality, and this extends the meaning of a game far beyond the limits that can be for an adult. Losing the game does not therefore part of the game as is, or should be, for adults it is experience which calls into question, and sometimes undermines the sense of personal competence of the child. Far from being part of the game, the defeat is not only an insult, it's something that, by questioning his dignity and therefore his personal integrity, brings its own difficulties in balance, and this must be prevented at any cost. Because there is a danger of losing his dignity in front of adults, a series of defeats can really disrupt the whole self-mastery, so that suddenly the little player can no longer distinguish between reality and the reality of the game of his life. That's why the same child, which shows you know the rules of the game and take care that also respects the opponent, until he hope to win at some point, when you think you might be losing, he starts to deliberately break them. AND 'behavior, which often gives rise to the parents and teachers: if he can play so well when you win, why foul play when he loses? For the adult it is the identical situation, and always a game, the child of two very different realities. When he wins, is exalted beyond all reason, given that it is "just a game." When he loses, he feels humiliated and reacts accordingly, its maturity cracks, just as happens to many adults when they have the feeling of being humiliated. In this scenario, what role should take parents and teachers in empathic listening to her boyfriend? Their attitude must stem from love and trust in them, must make them understand that you are not great when you do not ever fall, but when it falls and we find in ourselves the strength to get up. Must make them understand that life and sports, is full of problems, proportionate to the capacity of each and that the problem, and overcoming the same will make them happier and more confident. Parents and teachers do not have to replace their children in problem solving, but must make it with their presence to create the conditions so that the boy cognitive stimuli their ability to autorisoluzione of the problem, you become a leader of himself and not a follower. If we become absolutely essential to someone, it means that we are moving away from what can be called healthy help. Means to help support, not replace. When the child faces difficulty necessary for its growth, we must not intrude trying to ease the pain of uploading them heroically its weights. We should not play God in the lives of students who help: we'll never be up to the role. Too often we decide that this or that should not happen and therefore we do everything to solve the problems of others with our own strength: the effect on children of this attitude is weakening and more greater dependence on us. There is strong belief in saying that this kind of help is selfish and tends to make us feel important for those people who look at us, confused by the difficulties of our sport. When we help in this way, if you do it? The most important life lessons are learned in suffering. Who helps "know" say no! Sa stand back when the other must prove to be wrong. Sa then be ready to help you get up and give confidence to jump back into the experience. Who looks at the potential help of others and pushes it beyond its limits, even if it becomes uncomfortable and irritating. Who knows helps give approval for the growth of others. Who helps to believe that the more we can do and why we must fight her face alone!
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